One flamin' headless chicken please

Woke up at two minutes past ten this morning. I started work at ten... or rather was supposed to. Dived out of bed, jumped into the shower, brushed the old Hampstead Heath, flew down the old apples and pears (why am I talking in the cockney rhyming slang?) and into the car. Got to work at twenty five past only to find Felix was in a meeting so I think I managed to get away with it. I did stay later than everyone else though so I did make up for it. Don't you just hate it when you wake up late though? Rushing about the place like a flamin' headless chicken! A flamin' headless chicken... I bet they serve them in KFC. "One flamin' headless chicken please. Don't hold back with the cleaver now!" I've never had a KFC before but I suspect their chickens are headless most of the time but the flamin' part would be interesting. Straight off the grill, or the BBQ, or the spit then depending on what sauce you put on it the flames either extinguish or get worse. A good, spicey HP sauce to make the flames go higher or a creamy mayonnaise type stuff to put the flames out. Hate mayonnaise. Can't stand the stuff. I remember a project I worked on in art school that involved taking lots of photographs of jars of mayonnaise dotted about the Art school's library propping up books. Gawd knows why. Must have been another gawd awful art school project. It did not involve chickens though. Thinking back I remember it also involved coffee cups with plants growing out of them?! My daily dose of caffeine had obviously been exceeded that day. I think the project was based on some American poet... I'll need to look that up as it's annoying me now. American poet, mayonnaise, bookends... Talking of books I'm off to get back to my current perusal. Michael Palin's 'Sahara'. Yes, I know that was back in 2002 but I've still not read it. After meeting him at the end of last year and getting him to sign his latest - 'New Europe' - I thought I'd better read Sahara first before I go reading the latest. Ease my guilt for having not paid enough attention before! Long Way Round is also being repeated on the tv at the moment so I've been watching that again after having just finished McGregor and Boorman's 'Long Way Down', their own record of their trip from John O'Groats to Cape Town on their trusty motorbikes. I did watch 'Long Way Round' the first time round but it was such a great programme and journey it's easy to get caught up in it all over again. Fantastic. They were up against the clock on their travels too just like I was this morning except I wasn't going to Cape Town, I was going to Blantyre and I wasn't on a motor bike, I was in a wee clio, and I didn't leave from John O'Groats...etc

Dark Knight

Well, 'The Dark Knight' was indeed excellent so if any of you are considering it, it's well worth checking out. Much more a character piece than your traditional 'superhero' movie. Ledger, Bale, Caine, Eckhart and Oldman are all excellent and there's also more than one surprise cameos so look out for them (including some girl from Hollyoaks - of all programmes?!). Some of the camera work is just stunning. There's some great bird's eye shots as Batman glides over Hong Kong and 'Gotham City' which is more commonly known as Chicago. The film is also being shown in Imax theatres across the country. I imagine that would be very cool.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to listen to the Zutons' new album.

On Bale

The sun was out for a change today but unfortunately I was busy in the office as per usual making fantastic looking adverts. Trapped in the office while the sun blazes outside. Hopefully the sun will stay out for another wander round Glasgow tomorrow. The Glasgow Green Show is on, birthday presents need to be purchased and I'm meeting Ka for a spot of lunch after she visits yet more Wedding dress shops with the Mums. Fortunately this is one part of 'the big W' which I don't need to participate in. Ka is bad enough when she's shopping for a pair of socks!
'The Dark Knight' is out over the weekend too so I'm hoping to catch that at some point. The first of the new Batman movies, 'Batman Begins' really breathed new life into the character and their stories and apparently this second installment, again from the great Christopher Nolan, is even better. Nolan directed the brilliant 'Memento', the dark (literally and descriptively) 'Insomnia' and the engaging 'The Prestige' which, like the new movie, starred Christian Bale and Michael Caine. None have surpassed 'Memento' for me, yet. Bale had adventures of his own in a police station earlier in the week assisting officers with their enquiries against allegations that the actor had assaulted his mother. Sounds like they just had a blazing row to me. Bale turned up at a press conference for the new movie the next day looking 'moody'. I'm sorry, but does he have another expression? Don't get me wrong, he's a good actor, (his performance in 'American Psycho' was outstanding) but in all the promo interviews I've seen he looks like he'd rather be somewhere elsewhere... maybe jumping about a tower block wielding an axe perhaps?!

Independent state

Someone said to me in the office if the picture of the bullshit alert in the last post was a warning of the contents of the writing... Needless to say it was not. It's only an illustration of the afore mentioned 'red alert' which Davey wakens the office with in times of stress. Not that Davey ever gets stressed, I should point out. He's generally a very laid back, amiable fellow... usually. However, if you happen to get involved in a conversation on the possibility of an Independent Scotland things could get nasty! For this he feels quite strongly about and for the past two weeks has created a independent monster of Andrea who is now campaigning at every tea break, casting aside our crosswords and inconsequential talk in favour of speeches on the lost wealth of Scotland and the possibilities of the heights that our small country could reach. Me? I'm not sure I know enough on the subject - I'm just not sure why we should bother. Is everything not fine as it is? Or is that just lazy talk? Would we be any better off? Or are the folk screaming for independence fuelling the fires of separatism and the long, now boring, supposed feud with the english. I've never understood all that either. Personally I think England and it's people are generally great, as are Wales and Ireland. Why look for independence from a Great Britain? I am interested in reading more about it and defining how I feel about it all, but at the moment... I can't say it's at the top of my to-do list! It's not as if it's going to happen anytime soon is it? Or is it? The much debated over referendum is taking place in 2010 apparently. Just around the corner really...

Red alert

Waiting on ads. Today I'm on planning in the office which basically involves building the classified pages of the newspapers and sending them over to outputting. A few folk are on holiday over here today so I'm helping out on 'the other side'. The planning side. The dark side. In planning today I'm sitting opposite the exuberant Davey and the wonderful Linda. When conversations get a bit too 'diverse' or any outsiders start giving any complications Davey has a large red button on his desk with the word 'bullshit' over it. In the event of a personnel, conversation, or sales 'panic' emergency Davey gives the alarm a good smack and a loud alert blares out from the small speakers underneath the button alerting everyone in the surrounding vicinity to the presence of (you guessed it) 'bullshit'. Handy in times of 'crisis' which Tuesday's quite often do have.

Magical birthdays and barbeques

Monday morning. A bright, sunny Monday morning though unfortunately for me it's spent in the office of course. The clearest blue sky there's been in months.
Happy Birthday to Aunt Linda who had (let's just say) a milestone birthday yesterday! We were round at my Mum and Dad's last night for a BBQ and Linda and Tom popped in after their dinner to pick up the dugs, Sally and Jake who we were looking after whilst they dined. Sally apparently didn't want to leave as when Tom took the dogs out to the car Sally nipped back into the house via the front door, toddled into the living room and plonked herself down in a corner again. Linda had to give her a wee pull in the right direction. With Dad's cooking at the BBQ who could blame her though? The hosts with the most as always. Great food served with a nice red. Dad had even made a jelly with strawberries which for some reason triggered a conversation on the size of people's boobs. Apparently using malt makes boobs bigger according to my ever wise mother and using olive oil on your eyelashes makes them longer..? I knew carrots supposedly helped with night vision but that's about as much as I know when it comes to the magical, mystical aspects of supermarket products.
Talking about magical, Ka and myself also seen WallE at the weekend. The latest Pixar animation about the last robot on Earth still trundling around, long after the departure of the human race, tidying the junk and debris that we'd left behind. A great wee family movie with some brilliant moments and fabulous animation.

A good sniff

Friday night. The weekend and I'm knackered. Don't think I've recovered from T in the Park last weekend?! Glad it was last weekend though as the rain has just starting pouring here, makes you appreciate the weather we did get. There was also good news during the week that the stab victim that was attacked at the festival going to the aid of a girlfriend is making good progress now in hospital in Dundee so a big 'Get Well Soon' should go to him.
Whilst writing I'd like to say a big Happy Birthday to Sharon Colman who hits the big 3-0 this weekend. A great mate from Art School and one of the finest nutters I know (funnily enough from Balloch). Also the fantastical Colin McGarva. Ka's bro who is out and about touring the land at the moment with his theatre show but who'll be back home at the end of July. If any of you are reading 'Happy Birthday'! Get you both a pint next time I see you...or maybe just a coke for you Sharon...
Personally, at the moment, I prefer a good old sniff of the Olbus Oil. I'm loaded with a b**ta*d of a cold and its playing havoc with my throat, nose, sleep, brain...Headaches - the kind that seemingly pulsate your brain and keep you awake at night making you growl and swear at your partner because they're sleeping happily having a great time in dreamland. Which is exactly the reason why I'm knackered. So tonight I'm also sniffing a fine Stowells wine in the hope that that has more of an effect than the Olbus Oil.